Ya Allah.... My God.... The only place that I have for me to turn to...... Am I allowed to cry? Is it really okay to cry? Will I be able to return to my strong self if I allow my weak side to come out of its shell? This question always linger around my mind.... The only question that I have no answer to... I feel like crying... But then, I won't be a strong girl right? A strong girl won't cry over failure right? But I really feel like crying.... What should I do...... I wont cry..... Never will cry... Be tough..... Smile.... Everything will be alright.... Ya Allah...just stay by my side... I know how bad can I be at times.... But still....Don't leave me... I have no one.... No one.... but you....
It's so difficult to act all tough in front of other people when I know that I'm hurting inside. It's so torturing to laugh and to act cheerful and to crack some jokes in front of my friends when I actually need someone to look me through my eyes and tell me that everything's going to be alright. It's painful to portray myself to the world as the happiest person on earth when I can feel that deep inside my heart is nothing but emptiness and sorrow.
Ya Allah, dear my Almighty God, pretending to be strong sure is tough. You know better than anyone else that I'm just a vulnerable little girl inside... You know better how fearful I feel to face my future and to face tomorrow. Ya Allah, I'm scared.... I'm really scared......
I'm all by myself... I'm alone... a loner.... I don't have anyone to talk to whenever I feel down... I just can't bring myself to express my feeling to anyone... I just can't... I'm so used to keep everything inside.... So, please....Ya Allah... Grant my du'a.... Be by my side... Don't leave me no matter how 'black' and 'hard' my heart is....no matter how far away have I gone astray...no matter how evil I can be at times..... Just don't leave me...... I'm afraid.... I'm too afraid that every night before I close my eyes, I would pray for You to take me away from this cruel world and to bring me to Your side.... As I knew and always know that You would never ever treat me that way....
An advice from the 'future' Ladyinwhite',
Hey....Wake up.... You will be fine.. You'll get through this tough times and grow up to be even stronger... Don't cry.... Smile.... Be strong.... You might be pretending to be happy now, but somehow in the future, you will no longer faking and everything will come true. (^_^)
Lady in white is in sorrow...yet the world is still moving cruelly
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