Dalam hidup ni....

Dalam hidup ni...kita pasti akan berubah... It's part of growing up.. Siapa kata orang muda masih mentah? Kadang-kadang ada orang muda yang ujian kehidupannya jauh lebih mematangkan dari orang dewasa. Lain orang lain kisah hidupnya, tak kisah la berapa 'mentah' orang tu dalam pandangan mata orang lain tapi kalau ada something yang terjadi dalam hidup dia yang jadi turning point kepada perubahan dia, tak kah itu menunjukkan yang dia sebenarnya hadapi ujian tu dalam keadaan dia off-limit? Sebab bukan senang untuk seseorang mengubah personaliti dia.... Bukan senang nak ubah.... Melainkan ada something yang berbekas sangat dalam hati dia...

Dalam hidup ni jugak, kita tak selalu kan berada di atas, Hari ni kau hebat, berjaya, bahagia, sihat....Tapi esok hari tak pasti lagi... No one can foresee his future... So, menghina orang lain? Your biggest mistake. Bila kita menzalimi orang lain, pernah tak kita fikir macam mana perasaan family dia kalau tahu? Bayangkan kita pulak dalam keadaan family dia, pasti kita pun tak habis2 fikir..'Apa salah kakak aku sampai dia hina macam tu sekali?' Orang yang teraniaya doa nya mustajab... Cuba bayangkan kalau dia tak dapat nak maafkan kita, sepanjang hidup dia kutuk kita, tak berkat apa pun yang kita buat. Dah tu, bila dah sakit, sibuk nak mintak maaf....Masa tu apa yang orang fikir? 'Tu lah kau...dulu sombong sangat, kan Tuhan dah bagi cash kat dunia?'

Dalam hidup ni jugak, kita jarang nak hargai apa yang kat depan mata. Bila ada kat depan mata, dia lah yang buruk, salah dia lah yang banyak, dia lah yang bodoh, dia lah yang tak faham bahasa, dia la yang merimaskan.... Tapi,bila dia pergi tinggalkan kita macam yang kita 'nak', kita cari balik dia. Perasaan dia pernah kita fikir? Kita faham tak yang fikiran dia bercelaru.... 'Apa yang patut aku buat? Bila aku ada, dia benci aku...Bila aku pergi, dia marah aku...Bila aku balik kat dia, dia layan aku macam tu balik'' Pernah kita fikir?..... Tak.... Sebab kononnya 'everyone deserves a second chance?' O really? Tapi bagi org tu, nak ke dia ambik risiko bagi hati dia lagi sekali untuk capai kebahagiaan yang dia sendiri tak pasti? Macam mana kalau dia rasa balik apa yang dia pernah rasa? Don't push her. There's no such thing like second chance..... You fool people once, you're the one at lost.

I can't sleep

I think I slept too much today... And now, here I am... doing nothing.... Someone just sent me a text and it ruined my mood. Why bother saying sorry now when all you've done for these past 5 years is nothing but to hurt me, enough for me to shed tears. I won't forgive anyone who ever cause me crying and congratulations, you topped the list. Forget about him, he can just go and get lost from my life.

I've found these few questions and it's quite interesting...

• 1. What is more difficult for you, looking into someones eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someones eyes when they are telling you how they feel?

personally for me, it's the first one. I'm not that expressive about my feelings and often I found it difficult to speak out my heart.

• 2. Think of the last time you were REALLY angry. WHY were you angry? Do you still feel the same way?

When a stranger followed me for a few days. I still feel the same way and in case i meet him again, I swear I'll throw my shoe right at his face and confront him. Don't pick on me just because I'm a girl, scumbag.

• 3. You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You have enough time to make ONE phone call. Who do you call? What do you tell them?

Is that even possible? 

• 4. You are at the doctor’s office and he has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? What do you do with your remaining days? Would you be afraid?

I'll be afraid for sure. I won't tell anyone, I don't want to be treated differently. With my remaining days, I'll spend my time as much as possible with family and best friend. 

• 5. You can have one of the following two things. Which do you choose? Why? Love and Trust.

Trust. Love will leave me after some times

• 6. You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late even once more, you are fired. Do you take the time to save the dogs life? Why or Why not?

Yes. I don't want to live a life of regret

• 7. Would you rather be hurt by the one you trust the most or the one you love the most?

The one I love the most. Why? Because that's what they always did, that's their job. to hurt the one that loves them the most, assuming that they will always be forgiven in the name of 'love'. 

• 8. Your best friend confesses that he/she has feelings for you more than just friendship. He/she is falling in love with you. What do you (or did you) do/say?

Depends on which friend

• 9. Think of the last person who you know that died. You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give up one year of yours. Do you do it? Why or Why not?

No. None of them is close to me. Just someone that I knew.

• 10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Yes. 

• 11. Does love = sex?

No. There's much more responsibilities that come together, often forgotten by people

• 12.Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?

Honestly, no. There's other alternatives. I'll help them to look for new jobs, though... and maybe lend them some money in case they are really in need. 

• 13.When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

Hello, trying to forget here..

• 14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

Do not love them back. Things will never be the same anymore.

• 15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

The hardest thing to give up? Study. It determines my career and I've planned everything.

• 16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?

My housemate. I love her sooo much. She bought me chocolate milk when I was at my stress limit

• 17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?

Nothing. I love my life.

• 18.Imagine it is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. WHO do you wish was there with you?

Someone strong and smart

• 19. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

Yes, life is sacred.

• 21.You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

What the hell are they doing at the cliff? My grandma can barely walk. She won't leave the house

• 22. Are you old fashioned?

Proudly saying, yeah!

• 23. When was the last time you were nice to someone and did NOT expect anything in return for it?

I can't recall

• 24.Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a broken heart, or never loved at all? Why?

Never loved at all. How cruel can a person be to someone that loves him is disgusting. Re-building a life after betrayed by love is damn difficult. Been there, done that and never will fall in that thing so called 'love' anymore.

• 25.If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be?

I wish for happiness in every second of my life.

No place like home

Guess what? I'm home... Taddaaaa!!!!

Feels good to be home... Better than anywhere else in this world... Haha, walaupun aku asyik tidur je but still, home is the best place to sleep. So comfy, cozy, warm.

That night, I made a new friend. Someone that I had no idea whether I'll be meeting him again after that night. Like usual, I brought my blanket, I never fail to fall asleep in any of my flight before but that night was the first trip I went with my eyes fully awake for the whole journey. Not even once did I yawn even though I only get to sleep for 4 hours the night before. In my case, it was amazing for such a sleepyhead like me chit chatting non stop for 2 hours. I'm scared of dark yet I chose to stay awake on a night trip. So, thank you Mr. Single for making me smile on the trip and yup, you're right. The perfume do smell terrible..  Haha... Don't worry, you have the look, and your figure is well-built, your career is stable enough, friendly some more and seems nice, so just wait.. You'll find your other half somewhere someday =D Believe me, tonnes of girls out there are more than willing to have that kind of guy by their side so, that time, make sure you make the right choice. DO not go head over heels for someone who is not that keen to be committed to you. Well, that's what I always remind myself of...

Haish, Everytime I see my blanket now, it will reminds me of you. Haha. So long, 'Flight Friend'. Take care and bye bye. It might be the first and the last of our meeting.

Ok, enough about him. Now about me. During my exam week, my friends called me asking is it true that I'm getting married? HELL NO! My best friend said that she heard the rumor from her sister which apparently heard it from her friends which heard of it from the form 5 students at my school. Guys... Girls.... How am I supposed to get married when I don't even have a special one. I'm only 19, the world is so much to be discovered ahead of me. I won't put love and marriage as my priority now, I believe that everything had been fated and why should we bother about it when God had planned everything. One more call asking me the same question, I swear I'll explode.

A big family

Selalunya, kalau hari tu kelas terakhir untuk semester tu sebelum Study Leave, semua orang akan happy... but not me... It is always the saddest day for me...ever since the first semester... It is actually an indication for me.. An indication of a whole lonely week, a lonely war... Classmates aku mesti lah happy kan, sebab dapat balik jumpa family masing2... but for me, Monday is the day that I can't wait for every week... Sebab aku rasa macam kat kelas je aku ada kawan...

My house mates? They have their own clique...

My ex- best friend? When I was in my first semester, she told me that I'm boring and she wanted to be closer to her class mates. She always plan a hang out day with them...I wanted to join them, but this friend of mine told me not to come with her when she wants to go out with her friends. Until today, I don't know why she didn't want me to be friend with her friends, as though she wanted a new circle of friends without me... even though we used to be close like sisters before. After some time, I started to ignore her...till today....

My other house mate just got a boyfriend and definitely they will spend a lot of times together. Days and nights, breakfast,lunch and dinner... I don't blame her, I understand her feelings well.. Of course she would want to be with the guy that she likes. Even though that means leaving me alone.

My other house mate? She is very studious, some more, she will be attending an interview in 2 weeks time.. I don't want to disturb her preparation....

The only place that I can share my laughter? My class..... With my class mates.... i am severely home sick.. but none of them notice it. I always remind myself to put a smile on my face, and to light up my face with gladness...To laugh out loud...To crack stupid jokes.... But...whenever I'm alone, that feelings will come, the loneliness and homesickness... Sometimes, I'll cry. When we hang out and do stupid things together, I will forget for a while how far I am from my beloved home.... Somehow, It feels much better and much closer..... Thank you so much for giving me moments of happiness and laughter...

Now that the Final Exam is around the corner and all of you will go back to your family... I wish all of you the best of luck. Smile and be happy! I love each of you like a family.

Sincerely,
The troublemaker 'Lady in White'

Who Are You?

Macam biasa...Pagi pagi lagi aku dah pergi taman... Tapi, kali ni aku tak jog, aku cuma baca artikel. Hari ni, taman agak sunyi... Entah kenapa, aku pun tak tahu. Aku tak ambik kisah sangat pun... Aku panjat skateboard lane yang jadi tempat lepak aku tu, duduk kat situ sambil tiup bubbles. Rasa tinggi je... hehe... Tapi, hari ni aku nak share satu benda yang aku tak leh buang dari kotak fikiran aku sepanjang hari ni....

Lepas kira-kira setengah jam kat situ, aku nampak ada sorang laki ni, dengan tangan bawak newspaper, dari jauh dia datang. Sepanjang perjalanan tu, mata dia tak lepas tengok aku. Dia duduk kat kerusi tak jauh dari tapak skateboard tu. Laki ni gemok, kulit gelap, badan besar dan agak tinggi. Tengok muka macam dalam lingkungan 30 an macam tu. Sepanjang aku pergi taman ni, beberapa minggu ni aku kerap nampak dia. Masuk hari ni, kali ketiga la.

Dia menakutkan aku la. Dia tengok aku semacam. Senyum-senyum, muka pun muka gatal. Aku tak selesa sangat. Last week dia pun duduk kat situ jugak, tapi last week dia tiba-tiba duduk bertentang dengan aku, tapi kat bawah la. Dia mana larat nak panjat tapak skateboard tu kan? Aku buat bodoh je lah, sebab aku ingatkan kalau buat cam tu dia akan blah. Tapi, dia tak pergi2. Waktu tu aku dah rasa pelik dengan cara dia pandang aku. Pandang betul-betul tenung, senyum2. Hish, seram la aku. Macam2 aku fikir, terus aku blah dari situ. Waktu tu, dia diam sekejap lepas tu dia balik (aku intai dari jauh).

Tapi hari ni... Dia dok kat kerusi tak jauh dari tempat aku, lepas tu balik. Tapi sepanjang jalan dia nak balik tu, dia asyik toleh-toleh kat aku. Senyum2 dengan muka pervert dia tu. Aku jeling dia buat muka marah entah berapa kali entah still nak tenung-tenung orang. Hish... Dah la aku ni memang jenis yang pergi mana2 pun sorang2.

Jangan ingat aku perasan eh... Sebab pagi tadi betul2 sunyi, lepas tu kat kawasan skateboard tu cuma ada aku sorang. Lagipun, aku tak mungkin teringin jadi perhatian lelaki yang kira pak cik untuk aku. Aku tak nak jadi perhatian sapa2 pun...

Ya ALLAH...tolong lah selamatkan aku... Aku rasa terancam sangat... Jangan lah apa2 yang tak elok terjadi kat aku... Lepas ni maybe aku dah tak pergi taman dah kalau sunyi... Aku bersyukur sangat2 sebab pagi tadi aku duduk kat tempat tinggi yang cuma boleh pergi dengan cara panjat sebab kalau lah aku duduk kat rumput waktu sunyi macam tu entah apa yang jadi kat aku kan.... Syukur jugak sebab fizikal dia tak membenarkan dia panjat2 ni... Seriau aku.... Hish.....

Dear Mr. Pervert,
I didn't do anything wrong to you. I don't even know you and I'm sure that you don't know me as well... Could you please stop staring at me? It's scary. Respect woman, can't you?... I am just a student so please leave me alone.

Big Girls Don't Cry......

Ya Allah.... My God.... The only place that I have for me to turn to...... Am I allowed to cry? Is it really okay to cry? Will I be able to return to my strong self if I allow my weak side to come out of its shell? This question always linger around my mind.... The only question that I have no answer to... I feel like crying... But then, I won't be a strong girl right? A strong girl won't cry over failure right? But I really feel like crying.... What should I do...... I wont cry..... Never will cry... Be tough..... Smile.... Everything will be alright.... Ya Allah...just stay by my side... I know how bad can I be at times.... But still....Don't leave me... I have no one.... No one.... but you....

It's so difficult to act all tough in front of other people when I know that I'm hurting inside. It's so torturing to laugh and to act cheerful and to crack some jokes in front of my friends when I actually need someone to look me through my eyes and tell me that everything's going to be alright. It's painful to portray myself to the world as the happiest person on earth when I can feel that deep inside my heart is nothing but emptiness and sorrow.

Ya Allah, dear my Almighty God, pretending to be strong sure is tough. You know better than anyone else that I'm just a vulnerable little girl inside... You know better how fearful I feel to face my future and to face tomorrow. Ya Allah, I'm scared.... I'm really scared......

I'm all by myself... I'm alone... a loner.... I don't have anyone to talk to whenever I feel down... I just can't bring myself to express my feeling to anyone... I just can't... I'm so used to keep everything inside.... So, please....Ya Allah... Grant my du'a.... Be by my side... Don't leave me no matter how 'black' and 'hard' my heart is....no matter how far away have I gone astray...no matter how evil I can be at times..... Just don't leave me...... I'm afraid.... I'm too afraid that every night before I close my eyes, I would pray for You to take me away from this cruel world and to bring me to Your side.... As I knew and always know that You would never ever treat me that way....

An advice from the 'future' Ladyinwhite',
Hey....Wake up.... You will be fine.. You'll get through this tough times and grow up to be even stronger... Don't cry.... Smile.... Be strong.... You might be pretending to be happy now, but somehow in the future, you will no longer faking and everything will come true. (^_^)

Lady in white is in sorrow...yet the world is still moving cruelly

My Busy Saturday

Pagi tadi macam biasa aku joging pukul 6.50, lepas tu tiba2 dapat idea nak cuba panjat lane tempat orang skateboarding. Alaa...yang macam ni tu...Waktu tu tak da sapa2 kat situ. Hahaha.

1st attempt- FAILED, 2nd attempt- FAILED sambil jatuh dengan kepala menghadap lantai. Waktu aku dah terdampar tu, aku nampak sepasang kasut sukan, makin dekat, makin dekat, aku pun dongak, sekali tengok classmate aku. Waduh!!! Aku pun dengan bodoh nya pura-pura tidur. Hahaha. Sengal but true... Embarassing! Humiliating! Dia gelak je. Datang nak tanya jam pukul brapa je... Lepas tu, dia blah.... 3rd attempt- MASSIVE SUCCESS!! Weeee~ Tapi...tapi...tapi....dia dah tak ada, balik kot. Aku rasa nak panggil dia balik je, nak tunjuk my moment of glory on top of the skateboarding lane!!!

Lepas tu petang tadi ada makan-makan kat rumah kawan aku. Mak dia ajak sebab nak jumpa kitorang, saja je... nak kenal2 kawan anak dia. Tapi, budak laki sangat tak patut biarkan mak dia tunggu 45 minit. Kesian mak dia dalam kereta. Bukan apa, kitorang konvoi 4 kereta. Kereta mak dia lead jalan sebab diorang tak tahu jalan. Nasib baik lepas tu dah seronok-seronok, lupa dah yang kena tunggu lama2 tu. Hehehe.. Tapi yang tak best nya, aku tertumpah kan air kat budak laki perfect yang aku cerita pasal dalam lab tu kat previous post. Waaah..loser gler aku kat depan dia... Penat aku mintak maaf, dia gelak je, siap ajak aku makan sama lagi. Depressed!!! Tiba 2 topik pasal aku diorang borak, kata aku nih ada boyfriend la, naik teksi g kelas la, adeh...tolong la! I'm totally single and proud ok. Aku pun dengan lantang dan bangga cakap yang aku tak ada boyfriend.

Lepas menerkam segala ayam-ayam yang ada dengan nasi briyani nasi himpit nya lagi, dengan perut yang totally tak ada ruang dah, kitorang g lepak kat taman, Hehe, kawan aku bawak basikal. Aku bonceng kat belakang. Ngeh3.... Sebab...sebab...sebab..aku tak reti bawak basikal!!! Depressed

Yang paling sweet sekali, adik kawan aku yang umur 6tahun bagi bunga kat aku, wow, innocent giler budak2 kan...comel je...rasa nak bagi dia bagi je....Tak de niat apa pun..aku akan simpan bunga tu... Kecoh budak2 perempuan lain kat kelas aku bengang sebab jealous aku je yang dapat. Diorang tak ada... *mod bangga diri*

Balik je pukul 7.30 cam tu aku terus rushing nak naik bas g majlis penutupan tu, kawan2 aku semua tak nak pergi, tinggal lah aku melata berseorangan... Forever alone...

Dan sekarang.....

Penatnya.... Baru balik dari majlis penutupan sukan.... Penat tapi berbaloi sebaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbb program aku menang 10 Emas!!! Hoooohhoooo!!! Tapi aku tak menyumbang apa pun...sedih...walaupun aku bersenam tiap hari tapi tak confident lagi bab pertandingan sukan cam ni...

Yang kelakar nya tadi, aku ngan kawan2 aku salah tempat duduk laaa... Dok kat kawasan program lain, hahaha! Habis la kutukan2 diorang untuk program kitorang aku dengar. Siap boikot lagi waktu program kitorang buat persembahan. Ugghh,... Please la be professional... well... hahaha, nasib baik baju sama hitam so diorang tak perasan yang kitorang ni bukan one of them... So awkward when everyone around you cheers for one particular group while bashing yours at the same time. Tapi malas nak tukar tempat dah sebab kawasan tu sangat strategik nak tengok performances. clear habis.

Me Vs. Cat

Today, I had a war, a massive war... With the largest cat in my college... Urggghhhh.... Kucing tu dah la besar, garang pulak tu. Aku yang memang animal lover ni pun takut nak dekat, suka sangat cakar orang.

Like usual, I took the very first bus to college, as early as 6.30 in the morning. After half an hour, I reached my college. Lagi sejam nak kelas, aku dok la kat luar, baca baca sikit chemistry... Sambil tuh buat notes sendiri. Tapi kan...tapi kan....tapi kan... kucing Giant tu tiba2 lompat atas meja yang aku tengah guna tu, landing Baik Punya tepat atas notes aku macam gambar kat bawah ni hah. Aku tergamam tengok dia, dia 'terpegun' tengok aku. Ecewah. Hahaha. Tak de lah, dia tengok aku dgn mata yang garang nampak macam nak carik gaduh, siap basah kan aku punya pencil box lagi, ntah apa dia buat dok jilat2 pen2 aku kat dalam pencil box pas tu tengok muka aku...

Amboi kau kucing...bukan main lagi eh... Mencabar nampak... Aku pun cuba lah buat cara rundingan.. Ye lah, sejajar dengan tuntutan syara bila kita ada pertelingkahan..*skema giler ayat aku*. Aku cakap baik2 kat kucing tu sambil buat muka comel senyum kat dia dengan jari telunjuk kat pipi, tahu dia buat apa? Lagi aku bengang, dia tengok muka aku lepas tu dia cakar beg laptop aku!!! KUCIIIINGGGG!!!! Reflex action aku mesti la g tarik beg tu, tapi Giant tu buat muka tak malu nak cakar aku pulak. Amboi! Dah la nak rosakkan barang aku, dah tu buat macam barang sendiri pulak ye??? Aku pun marah dia kaw2 kat situ jugak.

Ok, plan A tak jalan, guna plan B! Aku g ambik aku pnya lip balm yang bau strawberry tu, dah tu g dekatkan kat hidung dia sambil senyum menggoda flirt kat dia sambil wink2.....hahaha...dia tergoda... Aku undur slow2 sampai la aku dah agak jauh dari meja tu. Tapi dia pandai la, smart la lu bro... Dia tengok je, pas tu baring terlentang pulak atas notes aku! Tengok muka aku pulak tu!!!! *STRESS*

Tiba tiba kan...kan...kan.... Ada someone datang, budak sama program aku jugak, budak laki. Superman to the rescue!!! Dia datang terus dia angkat kucing tu. Kucing tu g cakar2 dia, dia slumber habis tak kisah pun. Lepas tu dia gelak sikit kat aku lepas tu terus blah cam tu je. Ada lesung pipit cair jap* Snap!! Kembali ke alam nyata* ngeh ngeh ngeh... Aku terdiam cam tu je tengok dia... Sebab aku....aku....aku..... SEGAN SANGAT!!! Please la jangan cakap yang dia nampak semua benda yang aku dah buat nak halau kucing tu....Maluu... Aku tak sempat nak ucap thank you pun kat dia.... Budak tu tiap pagi aku nampak naik 1st bus jugak tapi sekali pun kitorang tak pernah cakap. Badan dia besar + tinggi. Aku tengok dia aku dongak walaupun aku ni kira tinggi untuk perempuan. Anyway, Thank you sooooooooo much!!!

Okey, masa untuk tidur!! Esok pagi bangun 6.30 jogging macam biasa. Boleh jog lama sikit, sbb weekend,...  sekian sahaja kisah benar kita untuk hari ini.. Bye2

Malang

A very frustrating day for me.... super duper bad day. Ok, semua nya bermula sejak semalam... Semalam aku pergi study kat study room... Balik malam pukul 11 macam tuh, biasa la nak tidur awal sebelum pukul 12... Tapi tapi tapi..... housemate aku yang sungguh 'bijak' pi kunci rumah dari dalam. Aku msj tak reply. Aku dengan fed up nya terpaksa pergi study room balik, jumpa classmate aku, buat muka *comel* mintak tumpang tidur kat rumah dia (perempuan okey!!!!) Jujur nya, aku merajuk. Yes! I'm super duper angry and I feel like chocking every one of them. Dah tu buat muka tak bersalah pulak, haish, sungguh 'berbudi bahasa'. Tapi, xapa, ada mi ada beras, ada hari aku balas (betul ke?) Hahaha.... Sungguh *notty* ya pemikiran aku, aku plan nak pergi beli screwdriver and bukak kunci tu, the door will remain unlocked forever..... Muahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Bayangkan muka diorang balik kelas tengok kunci pintu hilang. Hohohohoo... I'll give you my sweetest devillish smile ever. Hish3.... tak baik tau.... Tapi masalah nya ni bukan kali pertama... So, aku akan amik tindakan drastik mengikut Akta 001 di bawah kesalahan mengunci wanita berkarisma di luar rumah. Ececece.... hahahaha.....

Lepas tu, tadi buat eksperimen, aku teruk gler.... Sediiiiiiiiihhhhhhhhhhh.... I ruined everything.... Dah la dalam group aku ada sorang budak lelaki yang perfect, pandai, good-looking, baik, and the list goes on...... Tapi aku tak de lah menggatal gedik kat dia... Pleaseeee la...... Tengok dia perfect macam tu lagi la rasa nak buat elok2, so tak de la memalukan diri depan dia.... Tapi tapi tapi.....practical skill aku terooooookkkkkkkk macam budak baru belajar buat eksperimen.... Tahap keterukan tu sampai cikgu aku pulak yang terpaksa buat untuk aku..... Malu gler.... Aku dah down habis dah... Rasa macam tak berguna untuk team aku,.. Tapi tapi tapi..... budak tu.... dia panggil aku, lepas tu suruh aku tolong yang simple simple... Dia macam tahu je apa aku tengah rasa...... Dia senyum je macam nak bagi aku rasa lebih ok... Baik kan kan kan???? Sangattt humble! Aku nak jadi macam dia la tapi versi perempuan.... tercapaikah? Of course la..... Well....

Hampir 4jam dalam lab sangat menyeksakan aku.... Tapi ada peningkatan la berbanding mula2 dulu....InsyaALLAH will do better and better in the future.... Balik dari lab pukul 8 malam, sangat letih penat lapar dan rimas, nak naik bas, pak cik tu pulak pergi cakap aku stay sampai malam mesti nak pergi dating. Please la pak cik, boyfriend pun tak de and tak akan ada.... Kalau betul pun aku pergi dating, aku dating la dengan Mr. Tulang kat lab tuh, bagi pandai sikit anatomi manusia semua tuh...tak de lah exam terkial2 nak jawab, ye lah, tulang tu kan laki aku...huh.... *jeling pak cik tu*. Anyway, thanks sebab hantar saya balik.  Sampai hostel 8.30, makan jap buat apa yang patut apa semua, pkul 9 aku pergi lagi study room. Jumpa pulak juniors yang tak faham bahasa. Wei.... Study room bukan tempat untuk korang borak nyanyi2 la!!! Tau tak senior2 nih tengah bertungkus lumus study? Tahu tak? Tahu taaaakkkkkkk?????????????????? Hish, lepas tu aku terus bangun, pergi tolak diorang keluar.... (Kalaulah aku seberani ni....) Back to the fact, aku just duduk je sambil meng 'shhhhhhhh' kan diorang tanpa dilayan.... Pathetic senior... ni semua salah genetic aku yang buatkan muka aku nampak macam budak-budak, kalau marah pun orang tak takut....sedih...malam yang sedih...

Dah ar,... nak tido... Kalau tido pun mimpi buruk tak tau la aku...

Luahan Hati Insan Yang Sedih Maut Lady in White

My 'little' Isle of Hopes

My very first post....

September the 16th.... A day where the thought of having a blog came randomly while watching my house mate writing an entry of her study journal. Ironically, I'm not the type of person who is willing to share my personal story openly.... Since no one would know who is the real me behind 'lady in white', I guess it's fine then... Oh yeah, about my pen name that I've chosen...Lady in White... I'm not a superstitious person who is obsessed with some horror story... I just choose that name randomly as white is my favourite colour...yah...I know some would say white is boring, but for me, it gives me serenity and tranquility... I have everything in white, my purse, my phone, my handbag, my watch, my shoes, my jacket and all those small things... Hahaha.... 

In this blog, I will share with the world...the story of me and how I see this world from my perspective...Hoping to give you a peek on how I'm working hard to live my life to the fullest regardless of my lunatic and depressing past. I'm a girl with an ocean of hopes. I promised myself to grow up as strong as these white little flowers that didn't give up even though the other plants did... So, welcome to my isle.... my 'little' Isle of Hopes..... 

p/s: Listening to 'Sahabat' by Najwa Latiff